*sigh*

ok, so ... it's officially gotten old. i've gotten down to the brass tacks on this "fail better" mission and i just. don't. WANNA.

anymore.

i updated my list. highlight in THIS COLOR are the journals to which i still need to submit. and have i mentioned that i don't wanna? ok ... *more sigh* so i'm gonna try to put my beggin' card in with at least ONE of these mofos tonight before i hit the hay. mostly what i wanna do at this point is tool about in on 'net and then hit the hay.

so there's that. the home stretch sucks, y'all. nite.

-m

"back to the grill again"

i'm gonna listen to "ring the alarm" by tenor saw over and over again until something clicks in my head and i feel like writing ... or SOMETHING ...

(embed code is disallowed by the youtubian gods, so commiserate with me by listening to the song HERE. )

so, i need to get back on this list. suffice it to say i've officially lost my steam. is my lack of motivation showing? no new rejections to report, but there's hope on the horizon, i suppose. i've sold a few copies of the chapbook. by the by, i kinda threw in the towel on this whole grassroots, do-it-my-damn-self method of pushing the chappie. i have copies remaining if you want one directly from me. however, lulu's now gonna do some of the work for me, via their online marketplace. you can purchase your copy of "prayers of Calcitrant" via this nifty lil button i'm about to slap you in the face with below. check me out!

owwwwww! tell a friend, i say. i'm going to take some of the copies i have and try to get them consigned to some local spots as well.

... ok. i've procrastinated long enough. time for me and tenor saw to go click some links. lah-dee-dah and goodnight.

-m

gratitude.

happy mother's day to me. i graded papers. i told my goddaughters their gift to me would be making sure i didn't have to look at any dishes in the sink. for the whole day.

i finished reading "wind in a box" by Terrance Hayes. it was a victory hard-won. i'm pretty sure i started this book three months ago - it's all tattered now from the ins and outs of my purse, my hands, my snacks. his books don't usually take me anywhere near that long to finish.

( Hayes is one of my favorite poets, not so much because i'd date him if he were single, but because i would date him because he's brilliant and lyrical and tender. on paper. i keep writing poems to him. anyway.)

the poetry was sharp. warm and fine and full of aching. i like ache. this book made me look up the word "ennui." i think this is important, to remember that you don't know all the words in the world. i am happy to have accomplished the completion of this collection, but sad to leave its little universe. i'm bad about withdrawal, i think. reading it the second time isn't the same. i should just put the damned thing back on the shelf so that i look "smart" or "deep," and stop BLOGGING. sheesh.

thank you again, J. Ruben Appelman, for talking with me the other night. you must bear the burden of my high regard because we shared a pivotal moment. mostly, i was there and you were there too. i wore a pink wig to a dinner party at your house and talked to a woman who'd lost 35 lbs. by smoking. i actually considered smoking then. that's vulnerability ... or it's idaho. either way, thank you. that's all.

get some.

*yawns*

so, i'm back from the vacay. i had an excellent time, but now it's back to the grind ... before i left i could feel myself starting to get a little discouraged. i collected some more rejection letters (all gracious and interesting, really). but something great also happened ...




the shipment of my chapbook, "prayers of calcitrant" finally came! yaaaay! i'm excited to get these into some people's hands. i really believe in this project a lot. hope people dig it! want one? email me.

so i'm back on that failbetter list tonight! the goal is to click on five links, and submit to any that will allow it, of course.

i'm gonna have to get myself into some swimming pools this summer. the kid too. how am i gonna eek out a trip to atlanta? that's gotta be a way ...