10 May 2010


happy mother's day to me. i graded papers. i told my goddaughters their gift to me would be making sure i didn't have to look at any dishes in the sink. for the whole day.

i finished reading "wind in a box" by Terrance Hayes. it was a victory hard-won. i'm pretty sure i started this book three months ago - it's all tattered now from the ins and outs of my purse, my hands, my snacks. his books don't usually take me anywhere near that long to finish.

( Hayes is one of my favorite poets, not so much because i'd date him if he were single, but because i would date him because he's brilliant and lyrical and tender. on paper. i keep writing poems to him. anyway.)

the poetry was sharp. warm and fine and full of aching. i like ache. this book made me look up the word "ennui." i think this is important, to remember that you don't know all the words in the world. i am happy to have accomplished the completion of this collection, but sad to leave its little universe. i'm bad about withdrawal, i think. reading it the second time isn't the same. i should just put the damned thing back on the shelf so that i look "smart" or "deep," and stop BLOGGING. sheesh.

thank you again, J. Ruben Appelman, for talking with me the other night. you must bear the burden of my high regard because we shared a pivotal moment. mostly, i was there and you were there too. i wore a pink wig to a dinner party at your house and talked to a woman who'd lost 35 lbs. by smoking. i actually considered smoking then. that's vulnerability ... or it's idaho. either way, thank you. that's all.

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